Where did the last 2 months go?

so....the retirement step is still an issue... can't seem to decide who I am.  I have had a mission(s) my whole life and to suddenly be without is just plain weird. I need to get to a place where I can be happy with just being me. Jean. :-)

I probably should go back to work because I am madly spending money trying to do nothing!  I have taken up making hand made greeting cards and for a person who hardly ever sends one, that is really desperate.  Turns out that I like it. Turning a piece of paper into a meaningful message is quite satisfying.  Some day I will post a couple of pictures...or you can go to Queen B's. They let me put a rack of them in their shop and a couple of people actually bought some. go figure...   :-)

I got the first item checked off my bucket list!  I did! I did! I really did....NOT by myself though.  Brother Robert and sis-in-law Julia worked their butts off for a whole week. I have been wanting to clear out the land between our house and this magnificent oak tree since we built our home in 1980.  For 31 years I have looked at that treetop- you couldn't walk to it because of the under growth. Wow...isn't it just beautiful?  I am still working...turns out the grandsons like earning $$ helping me.
I feel like such a big girl now....I can drive a tractor and have my own chain saw.  Wahoo! just like my mom.  :-)  she is probably thinking 'bout damn time!

Turns out that even though I was a girl scout and a camp fire girl leader I don't know what poisen ivy looks like...or poisen oak....or poisen sumac... I can tell you what it looks like when you break out with it! anyway.... 4 weeks of steroids and drugs and its almost all gone....

hmmm...kitchen might be a safer place after all!

After Christmas Fun ....already?

so.... i am trying to catch up on my blogging...not going so well...
Keegan (age 12) and Aiden (age 8) are watching TV with me in our king-size bed along along with my maltese, Fonzy and his friend Miss T[a shih zu] puppy. We are baby-sitting her today.  Every once in a w hile all four of them seem to find some reason to go under the covers and chase each other...needless to say - I am hanging on to my laptop with a death grip... oh yeah... Kung Fu Panda is blaring on the TV!

Something I wanted to share... I ran in to an old friend a couple weeks ago and we got to chatting.  She has gone through some changes in her life the last couple of years and has successfully reached the 'adjusted well' status.  As I am still in this who the hell am I and where did Jean go stage of my life, she was a real inspiration to me.  Finding her was like grabbing on to a life raft.  I hope that some time I will  be able to help her in return.  any way.... she invited me to her new church's Christmas Eve service.  I have to say that the Christmas Celebration that evening was absolutely the most beautiful and sincere service I have ever been a part of. My sister-in-law went with me and she was just as touched.  Thank you Miss J!

Fun Time in the Mountains!

so....I was planning on blogging while I was up there to give ya'll a running commentary.  No such luck! Every minute was busy. I got to 'babysit' with Foster, Sego, and Flint for a couple of days while Tish worked.  Talk about fun!
Foster... here is a perfect example of the kind of man he will become.  I drove him to his swimming lessons and on the way I stopped for gas.  Before I had gotten completely out of the car he was out and using the windshield washer thingee to clean the side of my car...couldn't reach the windshield of course.  By the time I was finished he was back in the car and buckled up.  Never said a word about helping me.  Just did it.  Wow!
Sego... what can I say? Blue eyes and a head full of curly curly hair....thinks she is in charge and is most of the time...dances by moving her shoulders up and down and swinging her hips.  When she runs, and she does run fast, she twists and dances all the way down the street!
Flint... a mischievous child if there ever was  one...lets sister push him around up to a point and when he reaches that point...wow! Bonks her on the head while looking at you and smiling. He is one great hugger while being a bit mysterious.  He makes me wonder about what he is actually thinking. With that head full of curls I admit that I let him get away with whatever!
I love those few moments when the twins 'talk' to each other. It is so special... I tried to be careful not to interrupt them.
I have to admit that the trip up there made me more aware of needing to get healthy.  The elevation got to me this time.  I had a couple of days of altitude sickness which was really maddening.
Charles' birthday rolled around while I was up there so we all called him after dinner. Tony says Happy Birthday. Tish says Happy Birthday. I say Happy Birthday. Foster says Happy Birthday. Then, believe it or not, Flint says Birthday and Sego finishes up with Happy! We were so excited...thank goodness Charles saved the message.  Now I need to figure out how to get it off the phone!

You should see the kids when they get around the horses.  Foster was born to be a true cowboy.   He showed me how to 'round' up the horses while we were on a four wheeler and on another day I got to watch him round up some cattle all on his own.  He has a true friendship with his horse Striker.  I tried not to worry when he was running him flat out across the meadow but I swear I could see air between his bottom and his saddle. Sego and Flint become hyper when Tony and Tish start saddling up the horses.  They want to ride!
I will post some pics.  Dont know when I will get to go back but I can't wait. 
In the meantime I will work on not eating junk food and drinking water.  ugh

Who is in charge?

Foster just taking off on a mission!

Bedtime. We made it!

Just a normal day.

Mornings are a riot!

Each day ends with a ride in the meadows.

Uh...my kind of horse!

Always with a smile!

 so sweet!

Love their momma!

 

Too Far Away

So....I get to go on another road trip!
As soon as we know Aiden is back to normal I am hitting the road for Colorado. I am sure that those three grandbabies up there need a little gramme' time.  Well, I need a little kid time with them.

I love to get phone calls from Foster. He is such a gentleman already. Everytime I have contact with him I know that someday he will be the governor of Colorado and then on to D.C.  He is one unique child...little man!
I am going to try to attach a picture of him and his Colorado Grandpa.  They did the opening of a rodeo. Usually Tish does it.  This is classic of the term... "generation after generation"

Worrying

So...we are home.  Again. Aiden has a little drain bag but he handles it just fine.  It should come out this Friday.
Carrie is but a shadow of herself. This has been a difficult ride and will continue to be for awhile.
She has also been a trooper.  I worry for the other three.  Madalyn has had a serious bout with migraines. Keegan is his usual smiling self...waiting at the end of the line.  Kade is just mad...at everything and everyone.  I don't know if that is his age or his situation.  I worry about all 5 of them.

I once told mom that I was just fine and quit worrying about me because I was a big girl now.  That was last year.

I get it mom.  A mother CAN'T quit worrying.
I miss you.  I know you could make this all better.
later :-( 

Update on Aiden - slight set back

Well shortly after they pulled out his abdominal drain last Thursday, he developed a fever from some infection so back to Hamilton's ER and then another ambulance ride to Providence hospital in Waco...quick minor surgery to implant another drain and more IV antibotics.

The first time Aiden was a model patient. This time he is wise. He knows what blood tests and IV's and barium mean. He knows about surgery and the sore throat he will have after.  He did not go peacefully into the ER.  As Carrie says, first time through it all he was Dr Jeckyl...this time everyone is dealing with Mr. Hyde.
O my...he has NOT been a happy camper.
Charles convinced me to just get a hotel rather than driving back and forth.  I am glad I did.  Its not nearly so stressful and there is something about building a nest that we stanley's like! Well truthfully its the McDonalds coffee that I love the most!
Tomorrow is Monday and we are hoping for good news.
 so later...

I changed my blog name

so... I have been trying to figure out a name for my blog that better fits my personality.
I have heard this phrase many times over the years...I even have a sweatshirt from back in the 80's that says Warning - Runs With Scissors.

Actually, to be perfectly honest, I have my kindergarten report card dated May 30, 1956. In the space entitled Needs Improvement there is a great big X with a short note... runs with scissors! I remember asking my mom what that meant and she said...you'll understand later.

I guess its later now. haha I get it mom!

Appendix update

Tomorrow, Thursday, September 29th, is the day scheduled for Aiden to get his abdominal drain out.
No secondary infection appeared.  Big, big yea!!  He just knows that since the put him to sleep to put it in, they will put him to sleep to take it out.
I am NOT going to set him straight! Tomorrow will be soon enough.  We have had a fun, but quiet time 'waiting'.
Believe it or not he is ready to get back to school. Today marks 2 weeks of his being out of school and the first day that he actually got off the couch to 'play'.  Yippee!

Ruptured Appendix - Oh My!

originally posted 9/22/11

Carrie's fourth child, Aiden Kyle, is (was) a whopping 42.4 pounds of 2nd grader last week. Now after a 70 mile ambulance ride to the nearest hospital, midnight surgery for a ruptured appendix, 5 days in the hospital, and a really long abdominal drain tube for another week, he is but a shadow of himself.
He was a real trooper through all the obstacles...although there was a moment when he heard the surgeon's words, "cut it out" that he freaked! [along with his mom and dad!]
Any way, all is almost well.. the doctor got the abdominal cavity all cleaned out and there is no fever. I have been tasked with 'babysitting' him until they remove the drain and he can return to school. Even through the bandages, he has been great and aren't I the luckiest person in the world!!!
It is good to be able to help Carrie with the kids. A normal day is a struggle so you can imagine what this has done.
Everyone looks like they need a good long 24 hour extra nap...including sister and 2 brothers, Great Aunt and Uncle, Robert and Julia, Granddaddy, me, and of course Carrie. She has gone from driving a team of six white horses to riding shotgun on a runaway stagecoach..  well sort of.. you get the drift!

What happened to August?

orignially posted 9/22/11

The last couple of months have been really busy...Charles fell and broke 2-3 ribs..self diagnosed because he won't go to the doctor. Don't waste too much sympathy tho... he fell on the first day of the fishing trip but didn't come home until they had the best 3-4 days of successful fishing...welll give hime some sympathy because he never ever complains about pain... not like me for sure. I have actually been cooking meals for him....not to worry...no fires!

So school started without me. dammit! I am not even missed :-( I planned on being on an out of state trip or being really involved in something else but that did not work out. I ended up with 2 weeks of bed rest due to a bad infection in my bad leg...just like a damn old person watching the clock and hoping for something...shit...shit...shit...

laundry

orignially posted 9/13/11

so I'm really excited.
We got a new washer and dryer installed yesterday. They are red. (the red ones were almost $500 cheaper than the grey or white ones....) I know why now. Every time I open the laundry closet my heart skips a beat..they are REALLY red and shiny! I mean really, really red...like slut red.
I was thinking it would help me. When we built our house, I asked for red kitchen countertops. You see I have had a couple of kitchen fires in my life and was thinking that the red would perk me up and keep me paying attention. That proved to be invalid since I have had a couple more fires (or other catastrophies) since them. It is safe to say that me and kitchens do not get along!

Well, back to the laundry closet. We have no white clothes or anything. Either I cause them to take on a new color (dull brown) or our dirty water does it. I am hoping that having red appliances will keep me more alert and remind me to use a color catcher thingee. I still have not turned them on yet because I made sure all my laundry and ironing was complete and up to date... damn. I have even read the manuals twice so I would know what to do and how to do it. I am seriously considering yanking some sheets off of a bed just so I have something to wash and steam dry.

its sad how my life has changed...sitting here staring at a washer and dryer. D.A.

What Now?

 originally posted 7/17/11
So...today I had time to do nothing. The house is clean. All cabinets and closets have been sorted and organized. Fresh flowers on the table. Plants watered (and living). Dinner in the crock pot. I picked up my phone and called my little brother's house. He got mom's answering machine with her message, " Hi, you've reached the Stanleys.... I miss her. I guess I figured out that you have to face grief alone...even though the person right next to you is also in pain.
I'm just going through the motions...and feeling very sorry for myself. Like I said before...I am a D.A.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
later...

why take 3?

my old name was - Jeans Journey - Take 3?
originally posted 7/7/11

I'm thinking that life happens in 3 stages... childhood, adulthood, and retirement.
I have just hit the last stage - hence the take 3.

Just a warning...I am not a clever person and definitely not a fan of English or proper grammar so beware -- you will enjoy editing my writings. I don't care if you feel bad for my lack of proper grammar. I bet I could beat you in math. Not everyone can count to 100 50 gazillion different ways. (that is how i amuse myself when bored to death).
So I have retired after having spent many years teaching high school math, writing grants and managing educational technologies.... {computers and networks}

I guess retirement is a good thing but I am not sure yet. I have been making a bucket list for the last 6 months or so of all the things I would do as soon as I closed my office door for the last time but now I can't find it....probably left it on my desk!
I will admit that I am a bit worried about how this retirement is going to work. I absolutely love my job...I mean loved it. It was stressful but I thrive on stress and deadlines. That is when I seem to do my best work. People keep congratulating me and wishing me well. I haven't done anything except quit doing what I loved to do.

And, they didn't even replace me!! Figure that one out. Talk about a knife to the heart... or ego. I worked 60 hour weeks doing nothing I guess. For my whole life, every single time I got confident and sassy, something would happen to jerk me around and slap me back to reality.
I guess its fitting that the last stage begin in the same manner. Just one time I wanted to be seen as important and irreplaceable. I know, I'm a dumbass.

So why did I chose to retire? It seemed like a good idea at the time? My husband semi-retired a couple of years ago and wanted me to free up some time for us. I wanted to spend some more time with my mom, take her on a couple of short trips. We were going to do that this summer but she died a couple of months ago. :-( Gosh I really miss her. I feel guilty because I never gave her enough time and now that I have it I don't have her.
My mom... I have lots of stories ...good ones...funny ones...sad ones.... The important thing is that she lives on in all of us...her children and her grandchildren. I will share some stories later...when I have more time.

I am going to close now because I used to teach people HOW to blog and I would always tell them to keep it short. lesson learned.
later...